Leaving The Trading Post

I love camp!

Every summer since around 1st grade I have been either attending a camp or working at a camp. In high school I loved going to camp not only to chase cute lifeguards, hang out with my best friends, but also to experience God in a very powerful way.

When I got to college I found out that I could actually work at a camp all summer as a counselor. All the crazy camp memories started flooding to mind and all the counselors I had that made such an impact on my life in one short week.

This camp that I would be working at was about 100 times bigger than the one I had come from. Every day we had a schedule full of awesome activities, like zip-lining, the waterslide, and rock climbing.  Something I realized was that the girls had no idea how cool this camp actually was, much like myself during training week. When our first activity was trading post (a snack shop) they loved it! I would always laugh because they kept telling me how much they love camp, but all they did was buy M&Ms at 9am. I was so excited for them to fully experience all that camp had to offer, like the amazing waterslide.

Since I was the one with the watch, I would excitedly tell the girls it was finally time to leave trading post and get to the big stuff, the waterslide. I was so excited to share this amazing piece of camp with the girls, but some of them groaned. They actually wanted to stay at the trading post! They loved playing outside and eating tons of candy, I didn't have the heart to tell them that they could get that stuff at a gas station. But eventually they would get their stuff together and follow me.

Well, to get to the waterslide we needed to walk through some tough terrain. We had to walk through dirt and trees on a narrow path and the girls would complain about why we even left the trading post, it was fun there! They just had no idea what was coming and how good it would be for them.

When we finally got to the destination it was so amazing to see their faces light up. The cool blue water winding down the giant yellow slide was beautiful. I never wanted to make my girls sad by leaving the trading post, I really wanted them to have joy. But I also knew that our time at the trading post was just for a short time and the stuff that was next was even more fun.

I think sometimes God has so much more for us than just the trading post. He wants to show us the waterslide, but loves us to much to force us to leave our comfort zone. As I go into graduation in a few months I am realizing that I have to leave my comfortable trading post. This was my first "activity" of adulthood, but now it is time for new things. God is looking at me with joy and excitement because he knows the good that is just through the narrow path. I want to be excited for this next phase, but I have never experienced it. All I know is the trading post, but thankfully God has already made it to the waterslide and he came back for me so that I can also enjoy it.

Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

Sometimes God doesn't tell us what the next activity is on our list of life, but he does promise to stay with us the entire journey. What kind of counselor would I be if I told my girls to leave the trading post and just wonder around until they found what I was secretly hoping they would find. No! I lead them the whole time. I encourage them to keep walking when the terrain gets tough. God is always with us and guiding us, it's just that sometimes we need to leave our comfort zone and fully commit to the walk before we can ever find out how cool the next activity really is.

Because I Said So

I am thankful that my parents won't be at my college graduation.

Now some of you read that a few times and think that I must have had a typo or that I have a rocky relationship with my parents. Actually, it is quite the opposite, I want to be just like them.

Growing up as a pastor's kid we moved around a lot. At first I hated it, I had friends and a life in these small towns. My parents always said that we were moving because God said so. Thinking about this phrase reminds me of a four year old. They ask so many questions. I was the kid that asked above and beyond the quota of questions. I had to ask at least 5 different questions just to figure out what kind of sandwich we were having for lunch. Eventually most parents get to the point where they just say "because I said so".

Parents love their kids so much that they would do anything to protect them, including asking them to do things "because I said so". When a child is about to jump off a roof to see if he can fly like his favorite super hero there is not a whole lot of reasons he can see that this could be a problem (since duh he saw it on TV and it worked then). Since the child loves and respects his mother he will listen to her when she says "because I said so", he might throw a fit but he will be safe and as the mom you know that he will understand why he couldn't fly off the roof when he gets older.

We listen to our parents "because I said so" because we know that they love us and want the best for us. Yet when God asks us to do something we always ask a million and a half questions. Where will we live, how will we make money, what if things don't work out? These are all questions my family has been asking a lot lately. I can picture God smiling at us and saying "because I said so". He doesn't say it to be mean, but he can see so much more than we can and sometimes we just have to obey and trust that eventually we will learn why we couldn't jump off the roof.

Today my parents are moving to New Zealand, a place kind of like Australia on the other side of the world. They are going over there because God said so. They don't have a house, don't have jobs, and just got their visas a few weeks ago. They sold everything they own, including our house, cars, and almost all our possessions. My sister is putting off college and work so that she can follow God to my families' new destination. This is crazy!

Who would do all of this without a for sure answer to any of their million and a half questions?

Well that is exactly what God asks us to do. In Luke 14:33 Jesus says
"In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple."

I think most people, like me, think that this verse is so great... until God actually asks us to do it. Yeah God, I will give up my Saturday nights, Sunday mornings, and maybe a Wednesday night if I'm feeling Holy. What about the other stuff, our comfort, our family, everything we have worked for. For us to truly follow God, we need to give up EVERYTHING that he asks us to just "because he says so". Eventually God will reveal why things are happening but until then we have faith that he loves us so much and only wants the best for us. God never makes us do anything, but he does invite us to trust him with all of our unanswered questions and just jump into faith.

My parents have no idea what the future holds moving to a new country without a vital member of the family (me), or any of the answers they were looking for, and I could not be more proud. I am so excited for my family to show the love of Christ to people in a new city. God called his disciples to drop everything and follow him "because I said so", so that is exactly what my parents are doing.

They will miss out on my graduation from college, and possibly some other things in my life;  but I would rather them show me the true meaning of following God, than to do what feels comfortable. God will honor them for following him without all the answers, and I can't wait to see what their faith can do.

Faith is hard and sometimes the only thing we have to go on is... "because I said so".

Hair or Hero

Getting a haircut or becoming a missionary, which would you say is more pleasing to God?

The missionary duh! I mean growing up in the church we are "unofficially" taught that the highest level of holy that you could get was being a missionary, being a pastor was a close second, so I guess that makes us pastors kids third by association.

When I was in high school I was extremely excited to go on my first missions trip. This was the first big God step that every Christian should take. I had grown up following Christ, but now I was going to prove it by going to the other side of the world Thailand. The trip opened my eyes to injustice and I began to imagine how I would be the one to save the day. I assumed that God always asked for you to take a huge step of faith, like instantly moving to another country to be the hero. After getting home I realized that I must be called into full time missions in Thailand. I didn't think I needed to really pray about it because it was a good thing, I mean I would go right after college and save people. I already had the plan of what Nonprofit I would work with and where I would live.

 As the trip became further back in my memories I started to worry that maybe this was not the lane for me. I had already told everyone I knew that I felt this call in my life. As these anxieties started coming up I talked to my dad about it. He told me to just pray if the feeling got stronger it was God, if it got weaker it wasn't. Simple enough, I am sure God will prove me right at any moment. Turns out when you pray for things, it gives God the permission to actually speak.

The feeling got weaker.

Now I am sure some of you are wondering what I meant when my first line was about getting a hair cut. When I was a freshman in college I was looking in the mirror one day and had the thought that I should cut and donate my hair. Wait what? No. I loved my long hair, that is what made me feel beautiful. I kind of laughed off the thought assuming I just didn't want to study anymore. When I was younger I had short hair, all one length, with a middle part. Ouch. So needless to say I did not find short hair cute on me. I loved it on other people, but for me I just could not picture it. For some reason this pesky thought kept coming to my mind. Finally I decided I would pray about it and I knew God would tell me I was being silly, why would God want me to cut my hair?

The feeling got stronger.

Wait that is not what should be happening. I was so frustrated that I decided to tell God that the only way I would cut my hair was if he gave me a good reason. (P.s maybe don't demand things from the creator of the universe, he might actually answer). As soon as the words left my mouth I heard the words in my mind "let me be the one that defines your beauty". Dang, that was a really good answer. I needed to cut my hair to let God define my beauty. This is a lesson many girls never hear. God has called us his beautiful daughters and for that reason I am always beautiful to him, even with short hair. If I am a missionary or if I am living on the street (preferably the beach) all God wants from me is my obedience.God has called me to follow him one step at a time and eventually those little steps might just be able to help people.

God is the true hero, so why do I keep trying to steal the role.

Final Exam

Final Exam.

Wow, just hearing the word exam brings anxiety and stress. Even more stress comes when I realize that I have my final exams next week! The end of the semester for a college student is probably one of the most stressful parts of the school year. At any given moment you can find college students crying over study guides, sleeping in coffee shops, and consuming more chocolate than the average person does in a year (oh maybe just me). But exams really can make or break your semester grade, and every student knows it.

The only thing worse than the actual exam, is trying to prepare for it. What should we study, who should we study with (we always have those friends who may not be the best person to keep us on track). We need to look over the book, our notes, and anything else we can find relating to the topic that our exam will cover.

This semester a week before my final, I found out the exam is open book. This is the best news! I was so excited to kick this test in the butt....then I remembered... I never bought the book. Wait what? Yeah...I thought it was kind of dumb to spend all that money on books that I don't really need. I mean hey I'm a senior I don't need to by textbooks. Now as I am realizing my mistakes it might be too late. I mean I doubt the book store has any left in stock, and ordering online around Christmas time will likely take 7 years, not 7 days.

Sometimes I think as Christians we float through life like seniors who float through classes. I grew up in the church so I know all of the right materials. I know the right things to say and how to say things to "encourage others" in the Lord. I can even quote John 3:16 to you with my eyes closed. But I never bought the book. Yes, I do own a Bible and yes I am trying to get into reading it on a daily basis. But how many of us Christians come to a test in our lives and we are so ready to conquer it ourselves. We try and remember everything we ever heard someone else say, we try and fight using our own knowledge.

Then God reminds us the test is open book. He has given us tools to fight against the enemy in his word. Using the book seems like a cop out, we should KNOW this stuff. If God was really testing me he would want me to rely on my own strength and use the bible verses I had memorized. If I use the book that shows God that I didn't really learn everything that I was supposed to learn. That means I failed, or worse cheated.

Psalm 18:30 "As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him."

God is asking us to take refuge in him and he is saying that his word is a shield for us. When we go through trials God never asks us to recall everything and only be able to rely on our own knowledge. Prior knowledge is good because even in an open book test, you can get through it a lot faster when you already have an idea of where the information is. If we are going through tests of our faith, attacks on or our family, our friends, or any other things Satan can throw at us...we can rest in knowing that the test is open book.

God has given us the Bible for a reason and it does not show we are weak when we use it. Yes, God wants us to store scripture in our heart, but he loves us so much that he knows there is no way for us to know every scripture in the same way that God does, or the same way our neighbor does.

When we get to heaven God will ask us why we should get in; saying that you came to class, did okay on tests, and can recite exactly what the teacher/preacher said won't be enough. If we never buy the book and actually read it, then we may have missed out on what the whole purpose of the class was about.

Blank Page

Writer's block.

It always seems to come at the most inopportune times. When deadlines are on the table and that huge research paper is due in 3 hrs and counting. I never seem to have any ideas when the time matters most, usually just a blank page. To be honest, I don't have the words to say right now so I guess it is quite strange that I am writing a blog. Normally when I blog I have a big idea and can't seem to type the words fast enough, but not this time. I am sitting in my room with a nice smelling candle listening to music for inspiration and.....nothing.

Why do we always feel like we need to have the entire play-by-play for us to take action? We judge everything by the final product, this blog will even be "complete" by the time you read it, but it wasn't always complete. Teachers always wanted us to do a rough draft, but everyone knew we wouldn't be graded until the final copy. Other people are curing deadly diseases and helping the poor while I just "sit around". But I have writer's block...since I can't see the final picture than I can't begin the journey, right?

We always see people as complete, but are you? Most people I know would say they are far from a final copy, including myself. Writer's block is defined as "the condition of being unable to think of what to write or how to proceed with writing." By the very definition of writer's block we can see that it is all about what we can think of and what we can imagine for ourselves. But then I guess that might be the problem. I am trying to write my story, I am trying to fill my pages with all the great things I can do, I want the best job and best future, how can I beat this block and write the best story around. While I try to write the best lines on my page, I sometimes forget it was never my blank page to begin with.

Psalm 139:16 says,
"Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

The creator of the entire universe knows the final product. He can see where you will go and what you will do. He has filled your pages and story with amazing words and adventures, but HE wrote them. As long as we keep trying to "beat writers block" by taking our story into our own hands, we will miss out on so much of what God has for us. We can never start the story, if we are waiting for God to show us the conclusion.

I am graduating college in a few months and that literally terrifies me. I feel like I have writer's block in regards to my whole life. I am staring at a blank page of life with no job, no husband (a Christian college must), and no idea where I want to live. How can God use my page when there is nothing on it? I think this is the time God wants to use us the most. When we offer God our blank page we are not only offering up our past but we are also allowing him to write into our future. Stories, blogs, books, papers, none of them are written all at once. They start one word at a time. Following God does not mean that we get the complete play-by-play of what our lives will look like, but it does mean that we don't have to sweat over having a blank page. God will show us in time our next steps, and that is all we might get, one step at a time.

Following one step at a time is a lot harder than following a map to a destination, but writing a blog can't happen unless we start typing one word at a time.

Writer's block only limits us when we think we are the only author.

How To Float

Something most people know about me is that I love the beach. I have grown up in Michigan my whole life, so I have always been around water. In town we have a few different beaches we can go to. The closer we get to the bridge to Canada (Blue Water Bridge) where the lake and river meet, the faster and more ferocious the current gets.

I usually go to lighthouse beach, because of  the free parking, and the current there is very strong.  I always put my pink towel out to mark my territory on the beach. I leave all my things that I brought with me and head towards the water. Because I know how strong the current is, I start a little further up on the beach so that when I start to head towards the bridge I can still get out and go back to home base to catch some rays.

 Sometimes when we are looking at Gods love, it is like being in the lake swimming around.For me  I recognize being in God's love, but I am still always looking for the destination. As I swim around I am very aware of the shore with my pink towel marking my spot. I always want to know where the current is taking me. Since I grew up in church, I have been taught to pray expecting God to show me where to swim. I tell him that I can fight the current and go where ever he wants me to. God I will swim where ever, but in case you didn't notice, you have to give me the direction to begin paddling. 

At church camp or youth retreats  I feel the spiritual high. I tell God I am all in and jump into the water of his perfect love. The current of his grace starts to move me and it is scary, sometimes I try to swim the other direction but when I am feeling especially holy I let myself go with the flow. Well I go with the current as long as I can still see my towel. Once I get to the end of the beach I need to get out and walk back to home base. 

Lately I feel like God is trying to teach me to float. Not literally (although that would be helpful in Michigan summers) but spiritually. Floating away from my home base and going under the bridge with the raging water terrifies me. When I just float, I am completely vulnerable. Laying on my back floating in God's love means I can't always see what is in front of me. I have to fully trust that his current will take me to where I need to be.

I was always told that we as Christians need to live in the water, always be in his never ending love. What I failed to see was how dangerous the water is, when I can always see the pink towel.

Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. To give you hope and a future."

To fully follow God's plan for me, I need to leave my pink towel and float. I have no idea what will happen in the current under the bridge but I know that I can't grow until I trust him enough to find out.

God teach me to float in your perfect love, and give me the courage to lose sight of my pink towel. 

Password

Passwords, we all have them. Passwords for your computer and all your personal information. Passwords to get your money out of the bank or keep your sibling out of your e-mails.

Sometimes passwords are used not only for our technology, but also for people. When my sister and I were younger I would be playing with my friends and for my sister to be allowed to play with us she needed a password. Of course she would never get it right, and if she did I just happened to change it before she finished her word (Sorry Morgan). I used my passwords to keep my little sister out, and sometimes our passwords for our lives keep other people out too. If a guy I had a crush on came up to me right now and asked for my number I would be totally game, but if he asked for my banking pin number that would be a problem and really creepy.

So to protect ourselves we have levels. Different passwords can unlock different parts of our lives. A friend might need to consistently devote time to a friendship and be honest with you for you to trust her opinion on if your dress makes you look fat. To get to the "next level" of friendship maybe both of you need to open up about past hurts in your lives. This password allows you to become more yourself and unlock different parts of you.

This is all fine and good, but what about that part of you that no one gets the password for. What do we do when no one we have ever met has said the words or done the deed required for us to move to that final level. That level where it is dirty and scary, the place where no one wants to see. If you are like me, then you might "change" the password when someone gets close, like I did with my little sister.

Psalm 139:1-3 (NLT) says,
"O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I'm far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know EVERYTHING I do"

This verse is telling us that God literally knows everything about us, he overrides the system and bypasses our password. He currently has access to the most intimate part of our lives. He continually knows all of our secrets and gross parts of our past. He has access, but still seeks your permission. God created you from his hands and knows exactly what you are going to say before you say it. He knows how many cute guys you check out on the way to class (oh- maybe just me), and how many hairs are on your head.

God knows it all...and STILL wants to pursue you.
"Your beauty and love chase after me everyday of my life." Psalm 23:6a ( The Message)

Christ is pursuing you and loves you so much. He knows the darkest scariest part of your life and he still wants a relationship with you.
Even though he knows everything about you, he won't change your "settings" or any of your other personal information. He loves you so much that he gave you a choice. The only way we can allow God to alter our lives and our hearts is to give him the password and let him make the changes.

Allowing another "admin" in our lives is scary, I totally get that. How can we give him access to all of us and expect him to stay?  How can we even change with the current codes we already have? Thankfully we don't need to worry about that. Since Jesus died on the cross he crushed our sin and our need for a password with him.

Allow Jesus to gain access to your heart and he will cast out the fear and show you his beauty.